


The Jared Hole

by SOFreddie



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Adult Themes, Crack, Dark!humor, Humor, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 03:36:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16467926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SOFreddie/pseuds/SOFreddie
Summary: Summary: Exploring what happens when you fall into the ‘Jared Padalecki’ fandom hole.





	The Jared Hole

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Just a rant about fallin’ in these damn “holes”. DARK CRACK HUMOR. Meaning it’s a joke - no hate, nothing of the sort - A JOKE. Don’t come at me, Bros…If you’re worried about me touching a nerve - which let’s be honest, I probably did - then don’t read it. K? Thanks.

For fuck’s sake…the Jared hole kills me the worst. You know what happened? I happened… First my dream, then the daydream. THEN my dumb ass thought it would be a good idea to watch con clips. I laughed…oh, I laughed almost to tears. And then I fell deep deep DEEP into that motherfucking hole…

Now I’m kinda sittin’ at the bottom, not looking at anyone or anything and trying to figure out an escape plan. Someone keeps offering me a pamphlet, but I just shake my head and they go away with a shrug.

There are cross-stitched pictures on the walls and this crazy blonde in a tutu swears it was made from hair, taken from his brush…

There’s a quartet of barbershop-style singers in the corner, singing about Jared’s smile. The AKF crew is huddled in a dark corner, fawning over the light of Jared’s aura. And a man, looking suspiciously like Misha keeps eyeballing me.

“Jesus Fucking Christ! I SAID I DON’T WANT A DAMN PAMPH…Hey wait, I haven’t seen those pics before.” *facepalm* Damnit! They tricked me. Maybe I can make a horn from the pamphlet and call for help…

But wait! There’s a Padacock shrine on the far end! Maybe it’s big enough to climb out. I’m currently straddling this impressive shaft like a teen climbing the rope in high school.

It’s too slick! I can’t gain leverage to climb! Damn Padagirls…”STOP LICKING THE PADACOCK! Some of us have places to be!”

I struggle and strain, my legs wrapped around this shaft, shifting my body along its length as I near the top. I stretch, reaching for the edge, clumps of damp soil coming apart in my hands. I strain, I reach again, scooting myself to the crown of this ridiculously large phallic shrine, and I gain leverage, grabbing and pulling myself through the hole’s entrance.

I lay on my back, smiling at the sky and taking in deep gulps of air. I’m free! I escaped the Jared hole! I picked myself up, dusting my clothes off and take several proud steps, before losing my footing, yet another hole opening up below me, the earth giving way and I’m falling like Alice down the Rabbit’s Hole.

I land with an oomf and look around. This place seems pretty crowded, I can hardly make out anything in the hole. I stand with a wince, bracing myself against the edge of the wall. There’s a cacophony of voices from the many inhabitants of this hole, chatting on about various things. I turn to the earthen wall behind me, tilting my head and looking up:

“Oh no…

…it’s the  _Dean hole_ …

… ** _again_** …”


End file.
